i never felt that urge to write in so long...not a need to write to express a feeling or a thought, not a plan to write as a part of pursueing a career in writing..not a need to communicate with firends through words or writings...no its an URGE..i just opened a blank note and started writing feeling that i will never stop as i have a lot to say...a lot of feelings racing to be expressed..times need to be registered..messages to be delivered.but the things is much more simpler than that.Dad is in canada.. i miss him dearly and waiting to take a big huge warm hug that will make that big lady taking over my youth vanish and be 22 again.Habeeba is in Lebanon..so my feelings..my daily details is miles away from me, i need her to be back for me to get in contact with me closelyNawara is in the process of being on her feet again..she is inspiring as ever, stronger than she can imagine, lost as all of us.. i need to go out with her and see her eat a whole pack of french fries to know how achievement can beI need to call Nairy and Nihal and tell them how much i miss them and am sorry for not being there..i need to feel i am considerate again.nefsy aroo7 cilantro el mesa7a we a3od ana we sooka we noha we heba 3ezzat we netkalem we ne7lam tany 3ashan a2dar a7es eno feeh bokrahala we marwa we marwa we maha nefsy a3od ma3ahom 3ashan nezbat we a7es en lessa feeh e7teram we gamal we sa2afa we adab bey5aleena a7san we agmal we yesheel mn 3laya torab el marketingnefsy awy awy awy awy a2abel mai we noha we manar..3ashan a7es en leya gozoor fel ard sabta we mawgoodai need to see marwa we yosra we gihan we noura for the sake of old days..for the sake of the feeling that i was once younger , more innocent, and to experience again the feeling of having the best talk ever without saying a wordi need to lose gracefully as i used to be..and to believe that there is no something called an open end in relations.. i need to know that relations may blossom by time and care or die and fade by distance and timei need to feel people but not to the extent to be that dependant on them on my feelings, marking with the days with people, times with group of friends, measuring happiness and self satisfaction.i lost a dear friend (he didnt die) a while ago, i figured that what hurts the most is this attachment to the routine of them being in your life, but its the fact how we see ourselves, i despised myself, tried so hard to the extent my pride ached, thought to the extent my brain became useless, felt to the limit of being numb..sometimes we have to lose..we choose how to win or lose..we choose to be dramatic or realistic..we have a choice..to cling our feelings on people only or to let go and interact with life overall.i didnt choose but to all those people in my lifethanks for being there u were there for a reason...
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